When I first started I didn't know anything about therapy, just that things were very painful for me. I had a lot of existential issues, but I didn't realize that is what my problems were, so I was always talking about amorphous, big picture, deep stuff.

On that fateful day 9 months into therapy I talked to my t about how I went out to dinner with my friends a few days before, and he and I talked about the dinner, and what I said and what they said, etc etc.

That is what he considered "normal" therapy. He later apologized for using the word normal, but he said "most" (I am assuming all) of his clients come in and talk about their week. I never would talk about my week.

He said that if we talk about what is going on my life from week to week, the deeper stuff will come out. I said that if I already know what the deep stuff is, why do I have to waste time talking about the surface stuff?

We never agreed about that, but I did try to do things more his way towards the end. And along the way I did have problems that he was very helpful with. He was good with day to day stuff.

As I learned more about therapy, I came to see that there are different types of therapy and different types of therapists. He wasn't particularly deep or existential, so we were not a good fit. But I became very attached to him and stayed for 4 years, all the while trying to do "normal" therapy, and we both ended up frustrated, and I never felt like I was doing it right.

I wish I had known more about therapy when I started, and I wish he had explained to me more of what he wanted and how he worked, rather than saying that I could talk about whatever I wanted, and that there is no right or wrong way. He obviously had a preferred way of working, but was not forthright about that, and to this day says he never would have referred me to someone else.