Bless your heart. Don't you think you're trying a little too hard? Maybe THAT'S what is making you so tense. Why not relax and just be MOM.

When he comes to visit, just be YOU. Don't try to be "perfect" -- don't try to compete. Just be you and relax. Talk about what has happened recently that might be interesting or funny. Talk about who you've seen recently that he might know. Just TALK -- anything that comes into your mind. He's your son. He's not a stranger, so it SHOULD be easy to talk to him, but you're making it harder than it should be.

WAS there abuse when he was a child? Did you beat him? If so, then he DOES have some resentments about it, and he should talk to a therapist. He needs to talk to someone to get rid of those resentments. You've said you were sorry, but many times that's not enough. Talking to a therapist is a good way to get rid of things in our past. A therapist knows how. Many he would go. You might suggest it to him nicely. Just tell him you're concerned about him and that you love him.

Love -- that may be what he's missing from you. Do you SHOW him love? Do you hug or kiss him? Do you let him KNOW that you love him? Kids need to be shown that they are loved -- and in this country, we are probably more physical in showing love than in other countries. We HUG and we KISS our kids. Plus we TELL them they are loved all the time. That way we make sure they know they're loved. He may be missing that physical contact from his Mom. Try it and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised! I think right now he feels like a stranger to you. He feels like an outsider, instead of your son. Let him know that he BELONGS -- that your home is also HIS home and he is welcome anytiime!!! So SHOW him he is LOVED.

I think once you get into the habit of doing that, your relationship will change greatly into a closer bond. He needs love and he hasn't gotten it. See what happens. I think it will be a great thing, my friend. Please let us know, okay?

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee