Many many years back my ex had divulged to me about her childhood sexual abuse. I am a pretty good listener and people usually tell me their secrets. And I never pass around other's secrets either.
This secret of my ex was too big, she had never mentioned it to another human being. I never thought I would either. Well, she is from a very conservative eastern culture where "honor" is more important than life (some of you might have read or heard about those stuff in the news). Her family forced her to break up with me and I was worried for her life. I divulged her secret to a couple of her female friends and 3-4 of my own friends...because I needed help to protect her in case her parents did anything to her or myself. I believed that was the only way I could get other people to help me...if needed.
Many years back she came back to me and the first thing I told her was "I am sorry but I had divulged your secrets". I don't think I did anything wrong considering the circumstances, but I still felt guilty. I mean...I was only 20 at that time and dealing with this was just too much. Still, I considered myself wrong and apologized to her.
But over the past couple of years she has broken up with me dozens of times (she has BPD)...and every time I am so depressed and talk to 1-2 people about our stuff, her stuff, my stuff. I usually do it to defend her. I never show off our relationship. But my friends know we have a physical relationship too (which is taboo in her culture).
She hates that I talk about her. I am not allowed to talk anything about her. I feel guilty...but I also feel angry that I was a part of the relationship so I am allowed to talk about it. I don't go announcing to the world what sort of a relationship we had. She always complains that people never understand her. I tell her that if you don't open up about yourself, how will anyone understand you. If I am in pain and act that I only met this girl once a blue moon for coffee or movie, my friends will wonder what is wrong with me. If I tell them how deep in love we were in our relationship, they might understand why I am in so much pain.
Just wondering what everyone else thinks about telling secrets about your partner. I never do it out of spite or anger or anything. But I still feel guilty that I did and sometimes still do.