Jon, I was frustrated like you until the day when, at the end of the session, I had the feeling like we'd "missed" what we were supposed to be talking about and I said that and my T thought a minute then agreed. Suddenly I realized that how the session went was not about what she did or said but about what I did/said and I was "in charge," she was just along for the ride, to listen to what I had to say and be there for me, etc. I was supposed to be the driver, like in dreams where you dream about cars and the car represents how you live your life so if you're in the back seat or a passenger, that's not good :-)

If you talk about and experience your feelings, things go a lot better. Do you keep a journal/blog or otherwise think about your therapy session the rest of the week? That got to be helpful to me, things that this week's session stirred up I could then discuss the next time and that would create a new synthesis which I'd think about and discuss the time after that, etc. The "trick" is to end up talking about what comes up, what you feel, as you feel it right there in the session. I finally got there after 8 or 9 years :-) Then you realize you're working independently on things in your life as they come up and those things become the conversation with your T.

Think of why you go to your T, how "vague" that is and work on understanding and making it more specific. Do, in your real life, some one thing that might help you make the vague more specific and then you can talk about that "experiment" and how it went and troubles you had with it and why you chose that thing to try, etc. If you're afraid to get angry, put yourself in a position where you'll get angry and see what happens, goes wrong, how it feels, etc. If you're afraid, do something scary.

Treat what you do as an experiment and look at it with the eye of a researcher and you get all sorts of interesting thoughts and feelings, things opening up (and that excitement and experience are wonderful for discussing with your T). If you have trouble talking to your T, are afraid, take a risk there. Look at when you're making a choice (to tell him something or talk about something else instead) and choose the harder one.

Get a relationship going between you and your T so it's a third thing in the room during your session. When you laugh together or he compliments you or hurts your feelings, discuss and remember it and at some point you'll be able to go "there" and look back at yourself and what you're thinking and doing as if you were another person (like here when you hear someone else's problem/story and respond). At some point you'll realize you have a relationship with yourself too and that you've become your own friend and can be yourself with yourself and get help that way.