Admitting that you're feeling suicidal is hard, even when you've been seeing your T regularly.

When I'm at that point, I tend to tell my T that my thoughts are scaring me. I won't outright say that I'm suicidal, but I will tell her that I've been feeling like I need to escape, to get away, and I don't feel like I have many options for how to do that. My T has gotten to know me well enough to know what that means. T always takes me seriously. We talk about where I'm at mentally, and how much at risk I feel, and what I can do to lower that risk or stay safe. And, just once, I knew there was no way to ease in to it, and didn't want to in any way minimize what I was feeling, and just told T that I needed my pain to end and the only way I saw to do that was to die. Fortunately, T didn't freak out on me and we talked through how I was feeling, and T got me to see that there were other options.