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Originally Posted by Leed
Bless your heart. Don't you think you're trying a little too hard? Maybe THAT'S what is making you so tense. Why not relax and just be MOM.
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Thank you, to you too Leed for answer.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
When he comes to visit, just be YOU. Don't try to be "perfect" -- don't try to compete. Just be you and relax. Talk about what has happened recently that might be interesting or funny. Talk about who you've seen recently that he might know. Just TALK -- anything that comes into your mind. He's your son. He's not a stranger, so it SHOULD be easy to talk to him, but you're making it harder than it should be.
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I am trying, I think. Every mom will when their children come to visit, cook some food, bake some cake, treat them to feel comfortable during visit. When they constantly refuse to eat my food, I allowed her to cook and take over that part.
You said. JUST TALK. How to talk when they don't listen, they are busy with their iPad and text massaging.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
WAS there abuse when he was a child? Did you beat him? If so, then he DOES have some resentments about it, and he should talk to a therapist. He needs to talk to someone to get rid of those resentments. You've said you were sorry, but many times that's not enough. Talking to a therapist is a good way to get rid of things in our past. A therapist knows how. Many he would go. You might suggest it to him nicely. Just tell him you're concerned about him and that you love him.  |
Yes, we talked about that. He know how I am sorry, he knows history of relationship of my mom and me, he knows about my therapies, he still think that I beat him because of his well being, we talked about that book of Susan Forward, I asked him nicely to read it - but he is refusing, he is telling me, don't worry mom, I am ok. [/quote]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
Love -- that may be what he's missing from you. Do you SHOW him love? Do you hug or kiss him? Do you let him KNOW that you love him? Kids need to be shown that they are loved -- and in this country, we are probably more physical in showing love than in other countries. We HUG and we KISS our kids. Plus we TELL them they are loved all the time. That way we make sure they know they're loved. He may be missing that physical contact from his Mom. Try it and see what happens. You may be pleasantly surprised! I think right now he feels like a stranger to you. He feels like an outsider, instead of your son. Let him know that he BELONGS -- that your home is also HIS home and he is welcome anytiime!!! So SHOW him he is LOVED.
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From my mom, I never had a hug, never kiss. She never said to me that she loved me.
I am so opposite. Many hugs, many kisses, I LOVE MY SON TO THE DEATH. And, probably because I missed those hugs and kisses, I always showed him that I love him. And told him so.
But, when he became teenager, like all teenagers he to didn't like when I hug him in public.
At home he always fight against my hugs. Then it became as a joke, I went behind him and hugged him and said to him, I have a need to hug my son. And run away.
So, you know very well that I like him TOO MUCH!
While my mom talked to everybody about me how I am bad person and listed everything wrong that I did (even I tried to be always perfect and not make mistakes) I was talked and still talking nicely about him because he is really a good person.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
I think once you get into the habit of doing that, your relationship will change greatly into a closer bond. He needs love and he hasn't gotten it. See what happens. I think it will be a great thing, my friend. Please let us know, okay?
God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee |
Thanks again, hugs to you too.