I think I have the same problem as you..
I don't make any effort with any guy.. I don't even know why. I had a boyfriend {who had to ask me out everyday for like 2 weeks, until I finally said yes} and I didn't try at all. I never called him or told him I liked him or anything.. I did like him a lot but i didn't show it.
He later moved away and now he has a child.. which pretty much ruins any chance that we could've had.
He looked me up and found a way to contact me a while after he moved away, but I didn't show much interest, even though I was so happy to hear from him.
I think he moved on and forgot about me because I never seemed to care..
And about your question.. I don't really know what to say. I am in the same situation. I finally figured out those helpful insights about myself, but I don't know how to change them.
I'm scared of being alone but also attached to someone.. it's a weird feeling.
I dont even date. It's hard but I think the best thing to do would be to just take a chance, as hard as it is..
Hope things work out..