HI Michelle,

Im glad you're feeling well enough to post in the forums again. Ive missed your keen observations here and the way you can get right to the heart of matters. Im sorry you've felt like a misfit too. God bless those few people who stay in our lives when it feels like no one will. My mom and dad were two and Ive managed to keep a few friendships I had from childhhood, but I still feel the pain of the many who walked away after the depression started and the countless many that 'the old me' would have easily befriended if not for my depression. No matter how hard I try I cant hide from feeling the need of being accepted and loved. Whichever way I try to look at it, I am still disappointed that things arent the way they used to be. On my better days I appreciate that because of depression I have increased empathy for others. I may never have developed that another way.

Roadrage and fitting in seem far removed from each other as topics but I know how I got here. While explaining how I interact socially I admitted that at times I feel antisocial and then my mind jumped to my behavior when angry and road rage is one of those times my anger gets loose from my control. Searching for love and acceptance and behaving antisocially simultaneously doesnt seem rational but I guess thats what anger is, irrational. I know where it stems from. Being abused by my step mother I was unable to defend myself or stop her and thats why, when I see someone else being abused now, it triggers those feelings and I fight back against it, powered by all the years of feeling helpless.

Maybe its similar for you?