People will only change if THEY want to. I think sometimes a trial separation would be very helpful .. That will allow you a break and time to really look at you and her and your marriage.. and on the other hand will allow her to get a job and keep it and build herself back up as it seems she has some issues she needs to work on.

There is no easy answers to any marriage.

Sorry you are just overwhelmed with all of this. I hope things get easier.