I need some honest advise about whether I should seek inpatient care or at least a more intensive outpatient program (although I'd have no idea how to get into the latter).

First of all, I'm not acutely suicidal. I have frequent thoughts about wanting to die or simply ceasing to exist, but I know myself, and I know even if I consider it, I won't do it, you know. But not being in immediate danger doesn't mean I am functioning well. In fact, it is the opposite.

I am a total freaking mess. I need to find a job, but I absolutely cannot muster up the will, energy, focus, motivation or persitence to look or be proactive. I sit in my room most of the time watching tv shows on my computer or scrolling through tumblr. I don't have the desire to do anything I really enjoy, and I feel like my mind isn't cognitively working at all. I can't think, I don't enjoy anything, and I can't make myself do anything to change any of this. It's bad. I feel trapped and like this is how every other day will play out because I can't see a way out. I need guidance. Every day I think about how screwed up and miserable and unable to function I am. It is sort of an obsessive. I worry that my mind is unraveling, and thus, I will only spiral into a point of no return craziness.

I see a psychiatrist every two monthes or so for meds. I'm on Effexor, which makes me feel kind of less depressed but not good or motivated. My pdoc wanted me to see a therapist, but I haven't. It's too much work to look for a therapist. I don't have the emotional energy to go through that much effort. I just want to stare off into space. This is really awful, and I don't know what to do, because I'm afraid my mind is hopelessly screwed up to the point where I'll never have motivation again.

I don't know how to bring up this subject with my mother. She knows I have these problems, but we don't really talk about my mental status at all. We're facing a ton of family stress right now (we're moving in two weeks), and if I go and tell her I think I should be put in a psych ward that will only add more stress and concern. But I'm like...I don't see how this is going to end, without me eventually snapping.