now, i have mixed feeligns right now. let me explain...

many of you will know about the hard times im having lately. what with work and home life going badly, and im trying to change it all.

firstly, my brother has decided to move out as a result of me confronting him about the sexual abuse he inflicted on me years ago. i told him i want him to move out (we both live at our family home with our dad) and he is finally going. he has found a place and is planning on moving out next weekend. so thats definately good, it means i can deal witht he abuse my own way and in my own time.

my work was going badly, until i hit a life changing point last week when i decided i will just hand my notice in and leave,a nd look for a new job for the new year. my plan is to leave at the end of november, then spend december searching for a job to start in january. so i am making positive changes int hat aspect of my life, definately. so thats good. it exites me so much, i think how my social life, love life etc will improve once i get a new job, especially as my brother is moving out of home, it gives me more chance to work on my social life comfortably without having to deal with the abuse topic so much.

but... in the last few days ive experienced something unexpected.
i have started talkign to a women in work who is 19 years old (the same age as me) and we get on really well. i really like her. i think she is very attractive and she has a great personality, something that i find so important as many of you will too. but now, instead of progressing and asking her out on a date, im full of fear. and doubt. i feel that she is too good for me and that she wont be interested in someone like me. because i have no social life, and no friends, i feel she will judge me ont his (nobody in work knwos just how bad it is, except a few who have since used it to hurt me, so i decide not to tell anyone.) i want to take it further, but i dont have the confidence. i dotn even think she likes me. but i do like her. when i think of her i get a strange feeling in my stomach and i know that if i get that feeling, its what i want.

but how do i approach her. how will i date her and allow her to know that i have no friends but expect her to accept it. she is the outgoing type, she goes clubbing (which im not interested in) and she has loads of friends (something i dont). so our lifestyles are so different and i know it will put her off. so what do i do...do i try and make somehting of it, or walk away. i mean, im leaving that job at teh end of next month as i said, but i dont know what will happen in the meantime. whatever happens im leaving. i wouldnt want to work with a partner anyway, i always think it will put stress ont he relationship.

another thing is that i dont yet drive, im going to be doing my test when i leave my job and have the time. so how can i expect her to travel to me all the time.

if we were to start dating, we wouldnt stay in. id love to start going out often to pubs and restuaraunts, i only dont do it now because i have no one to go with. hopefully that will change with my job.

i think, if i leave it a little while to go further with her (her names julie by the way) she will lose interest and once ive left my job she will forget me.

we dont knwo eachother well, only very recently have i started talking more to her. but i think shes gorgeous and i do really like her. but if i try to make it work now in the stage im at with my depression, what if she gets fed up and hurts me. i dont know if iwant that right now.

im so conflicted about it right now. 50% of me wants to make a go of it, but the rest just says "no, your not good enough, shes too good for you, you are not what she wants and you will only get hurt". what do i do.

if you can, can you put yourself in my situation and think about what you would do if you were me. i'd love to know what to do. or at least what other people will do.

thanks for the help everyone.

simon