I had a relative who committed suicide at 39 years of age, and left a note for her son saying, "I will miss you." As if she were going on a trip. It's a distorted state of mind. A permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Go to a doctor and get a prescription for happy pills. They will make you feel better and knock you out of this funk you're in. They won't hurt you either. Don't take them for more than two weeks. When the two weeks is up, you'll be amazed at how good you felt, and it will give you the strength to start appreciating the beauty of your children and the miracle of life. Doctors know about all this secret stuff. Ask him/her.

One time when my marriage plans fell through, and I was really depressed and not caring about anything, I did that. It was like my whole life turned around. I couldn't believe it could be that simple.
And all it took was for me to go to the doctor (a regular doctor) and ask.
He was really nice and gave me something called Dexamyl. He said that was something I couldn't "overdose" on. (This was thirty years ago, so I don't know what they use now for the temporary relief of feeling bad.) But I forced myself to stop at the end of the two weeks, because I didn't want to get hooked or dependent on them.

I had a friend who came back from Vietnam and said, "Life is a gift, even the bad part." I think this is true. Sometimes life is very very hard. The secret is to endure. Because the opportunity for things to be better is just around the corner. Only you can't see around the corner. But it's there. I'm not a professional, or a therapist, this is just my humble opinion, based on a lifetime of ups and downs.

And my Vietnam friend was always having "a good day." And when I asked him why, he would say, "Because today, no one is shooting at me."

Choices, it's all about choices.