yes james i do understand your last post. for you and myself it seems, how low can we go? i was going under. but it got so d... bad physically and emotionally/numb that i finally got it thru hope. you can too but we do have to be ready completely. i didn't realize i was ready but i must've been. i'm not sure you're not there yet. but you are hurtin' a might much. what is needed i think is hope. imo. i finally found hope in desperation. i knew i needed my higher power to lift the obsession. that's how bad off i was...in a void, just breathiing air. i couldn't be successful no matter how much i tried. my prayer was answered. thank god. i hope you can find hope also. u're worth that miracle too.