Hello Friends,

I'm having a hardtime with my 4th step. I feel like it is not anyones business, especially the sex inventory WTH?! I have had past relations with men and women which I do not feel comfortable telling my sponsor. Also, I told her I would not make amends or list my part in the resentment I have against the pedophile that abused me. My sponsor said well for now that's ok, but you may relapse or carry a burden until you can forgive him - that is f'd up in my opinion. I said to her what if your kids were hurt, will you make amends and forvive the SOB? She just said well that would be hard and I'd have to pray on it.

I also made the mistake of opening up to some ppl in AA and now I'm being judged. When I told my sponsor I was bipolar she had trepidation about taking me on. Her friend with bipolar commited suicide, so now I don't want to tell her I've been suicidal.

Don't get me wrong - I love my sponsor and do not want to replace her, but I feel like she may fire me if she can't handle the truth about my past. And I don't know what is the point of dredging up all the past? Because of it I'm crying, depressed, and anxious. I don't want to go to as many meetings now bc I get depressed. I don't want to use, and I'm reading the AA material. But I don't say all the prayers every morning & call my sponsor once a week. I feel like she is playing the role of a pdoc and has absolutly no training. At first she got on to me about all the medication I take until she talked to her sponsor who said you're not a doctor thank God!!

Disillusioned & Sober,

TnT