I'm sure that everyone is aware that alcoholism is considered by many physicians now to be a severe allergy. (We are often addicted to things that we are allergic to. For me it is sugar, and I'm fighting it now and the consequences of having used it for comfort food for so long.)

If you can ever accept, AndreC, that you may have an addictive personality--that is, no matter what you use as a substance, you're likley to become addicted to it, you might finally find the freedom to free your mind from the fog, irritation, and depression.

It's a sensitivity that we have, I've believed for many years. It is probably related to a gene inheritance for allergies. More than likely, you have an intolerance to many chemicals.

If you can't stop it, please get help. Go to a group therapy session that is noted for being effective. If you won't do that, then read two books by Dr. Kathleen DesMaissons called Potatoes, Not Prozac and Radiant Recovery. She is the first woman to be awarded a PhD in addictive nutrition, and she really has the answers in writing. Her success with treating alcoholics has been noted as being about 95+% effective, and it all starts with diet changes.

My own thought is that there is a severe grain allergy in alcoholism which is the basis for the addiction. It is being brought to light now in one work called Wheat Belly by Dr. David Williams, and it's related to exorphins in gluten in wheat, barley, and rye that act on the opiate centers of the brain, creating an addiction and causing cravings at 2 to 3-hour intervals.

The books are worth your reading, at least, if you're not willing to go into rehabilitation for recovery, and I can understand the desire not to be in
a rehabilitation center. It's up to you, however, to protect your life and
your well-being. I'd do it if I were you; you really don't know what your life is capable of being without addictions.
You may understand our efforts as poking at you
to make the changes you need to recover. It's all an effort to help
you, however, and everyone does care and wants to help.

Take care of yourself.