Thickntired, you know that we agree with you about dredging up the past. If you feel in your heart that you have been forgiven for any role you might have had in the mistakes in your life, then I see absolutely no reason for you to have to discuss it with a sponsor or anyone else, for that matter. EVERYBODY makes mistakes; don't continue to judge yourself and don't tolerate the negative judgment of others about
mistakes in life.

You have been trying to enter a spiritual realm of living, and it forces you to face the fact that we are not God, do not have the right to judge ourselves, that we have been forgiven for our mistakes, and that we are responsible now for living by our deepest principles. Doing so will give us the peace and security we need.

Please let your sponsor know that you are living in the present and that you do not need to re-hash old things. St. Francis of Assisi prayed about his own mistakes in his life and finally realized that he had been forgiven and vowed never to talk about the past errors again. He was FREE, Thickntired, and so are you.

There's no reason for you not to be free, too. You've passed the most severe hurdles in leaving drugs behind. Let that do and continue to strive to live by the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous; that's the most positive effort you might wish to think about.

Disillusionment will pass as you continue your prayers and meeting with others who are devoted to living a personal, healthy life.

Sometimes things can feel a little like this: but it's all
part of learning who we are inside and how we're going to respond to
life and whatever is tossed at us. You will learn that some of the pricks
are designed to keep you humble and reliant on God, not people, for
your fullness of life.

Take care; others will be along to give helpful thoughts, I feel sure.