astronoe, You are braver that I was, You went seeking help, it was forced on me 4years ago and I am glad it was. You have taken the first step. Now you need to learn exercises in self love, and therapy and a pdoc will help if you let them. One thing you can do on your own while waiting for appointment is every time you walk by your bathroom mirror or any mirror, look your self in the eyes and say, I LOVE MYSELF, AND I AM A GOOD PERSON WHO DESERVERS TO BE HAPPY. At first you will just be going through the motions and not really beleave it. The more you say it to your self your brain will start to beleave it. This really help me, it took about a month before I realized I was starting to beleave it. 4 years latter I still have crappy days where I don't want to get out bed, but I also have good days that I would not trade for anything. And yes every morning I still look myself in the eyes and tell myself
" I am a good person, and I deserve to be happy. I can't remember when I dropped the I love myself. Everyone that I know who has done this and still does, it has help. Some more than others but it has always helped some. I now say it with a big smile on my face when I look in the mirror and say thank you Lord. If I am standing there that means I got out of bed. Try to be kind to yourself, and God Bless Garry J