thickntired, what happened to you is not your transgression. so many of us who've been abused feel as you do. and those in AA who judge you have no right to take your inventory. they need help. they need to look at their own self inventory.
my sponsor told me i never needed to divulge everything in the rooms. it would make me vulnerable to ppl like this. plus that i take meds. it is nobody's business.
i talked to my sponsor about not wanting to forgive him. she totally understood cuz she witnessed some of my abuse after it took place. it was brutal. she said pray and ask God to help that SOB.. unconventional, YES. she also suggested i ask God for the willingness to forgive him if it was possible. not to ask for my ability to forgive but for he willingness. does that help you in your situ?
i can't explain it but it made me get thru it. we possibly can forgive but never forget. in the BB it states this in chap.5 "to pray for those who have truly harmed us for they are TRULY sick." my paraphase. that sentence helped me also cuz he WAS sick! I had a few other words to describe him too. i included that in my prayer about him, SICK.
my take on your situ is this- pray for the willingness to forgive and let it go for now. in time you'll understand. this will not make you drink. we can't force feed our sponseses. i'm 24 yrs. sober so i feel i have some understanding on this. you also can seek outside professional help re this stumbling block. it doesn't have to be with your sponsor. the BB states that too.
and right now you do need to go to meetings to feel/be reminded of the spirituality you've learned. hold your head up high. your higher power is with you. you are not alone cuz you have HIM.
and remember you can seek outside help and also do your 4th AND 5TH outside of AA with someone you trust that will honor your privacy, like a doctor, clergyman, etc. i know many ppl who have chosen this path and stayed sober. the most important thing is just to do your 4th step and 5th. that is the purpose. to rid yourself of your liabilities and take your own inventory honestly with yourself and to tell it to one other person.
i hope my thoughts on this as a sponsor will help help you. BTW my sponsor just celebrated 56 yrs of sobriety. thank god i have her. she's walked with me every step of the way. such wisdom she has.