thanks for sharing Esther and Myself..

Myself. I don't go to a T..that is my point..my problems stem from years of manipulation, mental abuse, over medication and four hospitilations that I should NEVER have had. Its a very LONG and confusing story...and one that I have had no luck in finding many believing..it took ten years out of my life..leaving me empty and with voids of my memory now gone..I was lucky in the fact that I survived and escaped all of that..I ran as fast as I could and I didn't look back..and that day..the day I stole my freedom back was the day that I started getting better..telling me only one thing..I was right, and they were wrong.

For ten years, I had been lied to...my family had been lied to..and we had believed them..It took me about three years to get my life together..to have a sense of normalicy..but I did it..I got married..I have been holding a study job..I am even in college for christ sakes..something they said I would never ever do! and now..now all this is coming back to me..seven years later and these memories are flooding in out of no where..flashing during the day..keeping me up at night..coming in my dreams if I sleep..and everyone is like you need to talk to a therapist..but they just can't understand that despite that I understand that my rationilizations tell me that not all therapists are bad..I just can't bring myself to go! My fear is first a therapist..then a hospital..then my freedom..It took me ten years to proove them wrong the first time..I guess I am wondering if I proved anybody anything! I guess I am wondering if I am just looking for someone to blame! I know they aren't right about me..but sometimes I wonder..I just wonder..

Boy..that was depressing!! sorry