It is very nice and thoughtful of you to want to save the marriage, but your priority should be HIV treatment, if needed. I do not know how much the delay in treatment matters, if at all.

HIV/AIDS: Treatments and drugs - MayoClinic.com says that whether to begin treatment depends on the viral load. So that may be independent of the delay. In general though, with most diseases patients' prognosis is the better the earlier the treatment is begun.

If you breastfed the daughter, she might be positive as well, so she should be tested. I do not know anything about HIV treatment in children, but still, the general idea is that you and possibly the daughter should be cared for professionally.

Proper treatment and proper management of treatment side effects, which can be rather vicious, can and do prolong lives. So that needs to be your #1 priority now - marriage comes second.

I am sorry this all happened to you! Being raped and infected at age 10 is the most horrible thing!

Please handle your priorities in the proper way: husbands are to some extent interchangeable but you and your daughter have one life to live, each. No extras.