Hello! I'm so sorry for you, finding out your wife cheated must have been horrible.

I think the above two comments are really great! But there's also such a thing as too much communication. I'm not saying you don't need to communicate better, you probably do, but maybe this is too much communication for her? Maybe it would be better if you could be honest about your need to resolve this, as you say, but also ask her how she wishes to go about it and see if you can agree on some rules for communicating about this subject, like when not to or for how long each talk can last? That might also make her more willing to talk. I'm not a person of much wisdom, but I think that would be a wise thing to do.

Good luck!