Thank you all! I am a bit more stable now, not so suicidal. I started replying to threads here on the forums and it helped to feel like maybe I was helping someone else. But then other people replied, and I worried about what they would be replying next, and I worried about what they meant even when they didn't reply to something I said, and I started thinking that they must all hate me. I know this isn't rational, but it's too much for me right now. I'm giving in and going to find something to drink or smoke. Bye for now!