Got married when I was 18 to a really nice, decent man, 12 years older to me. We have a wonderful child and have a decent enough marriage with some ups and downs. But one thing there never was/is in the marriage and that's passion - that thrill, excitement, romance! And till now I've always convinced myself that I din't need these feelings - after all my husband is a great father, and great provider...I've literally grown up with him and learned a lot from him - so maybe my life was never meant to have any passionate love in it.

Recently a friend from school looked me up and after a few messages back and forth said he had always loved me and still loves me, and compliments about my looks etc (he's been divorced for years now, no children). Despite being hit upon many times by different men in the past I have never responded in word or action and never felt the need either but somehow with this guy I felt a thrill, a longing even yearning and I flirted back. And this has been going on for 2 months now - we have so quickly become best pals/confidantes and shared personal stories and always there is that undercurrent of talking to a man who seems smitten and crazy about me. No talking dirty or even sex stuff, but he makes me feel desired and that makes me feel awesome.

Even as I type this I hate myself and think people will judge me. How can I have such feelings for another man? What am I looking for? All my life I never ever, not even once felt that romance, that excitement and just sheer pleasure/passion. I am not a naive, unrealistic romantic expecting roses and champagne. But yes, to be be loved crazily, to just for once have passion in sex - I don't even know what I want but I have this sinking feeling that once I reach 40 and past, these feelings will never, ever enter my life. This guy, out of all the men, has made me feel something in my heart that thrilled me and makes me miss him immensely when he is not online. I can't even figure out what it is. I don't know if I even want it to lead anywhere. But I do know I am SINKING. I miss him desperately when I'm not chatting with him. I still respect my husband and would never want to hurt him or our child.

Please - is someone reading this and can you help me? What do I do? Why am I feeling all this at this point in my life? And where do I go from here - cut all ties with my online crush? Or explore it? Or act like it never happened, deny my feelings, maintain status quo? Please help!