It's good that you are able to be positive like this; that's really difficult when you are having what sounds like a really difficult time. I too have intrusive thoughts at night. I can be really tired--too tired to even read for 15 minutes before bed--and the minute I turn out the lights and lay my head on the pillow, my mind starts racing, and I'm wide awake. It happens almost every night so that I have to take some sort of sleep aid in order to go to sleep (but my body is starting to get used to them and they're becoming useless). I'm starting to try meditation but, while I like it a lot and it works well for other things, it isn't so far working for sleep. Anyway, welcome to PC. Keep posting!