I took a couple days off from talking to her and she actually messaged me today asking how I was doing. She's such an incredible person, I don't even comprehend it. I apoligized to her today for being such a narcissistic douchebag and putting her through the darkest night of my life (I suppose it's so far but hopefully it's ever). I'm going to try to give her more distance because I don't want to hurt her. She deserves better than what I am.

Prince says it the best. First time I've actually listened to the lyrics (only wanted to hear the guitar solo) and now I'm breaking apart. I don't know if it ever gets better. I feel like I'll never have a better image of myself no matter what I do. It's funny that being an egotist is the only way to self hatred. I actually think the pills are kicking in today and I felt better this morning chemically. Now I feel anxiety and guilt for not ****ing wanting to put a bullet in my head.

I never meant to cause you any sorrow.
I never meant to cause you any pain.
I only wanted to one time see you laughing.
I only wanted to see you laughing in the purple rain.