Hi Newtus and welcome! I'm sorry you feel so depressed. I hate feeling like that.

Do you have a therapist? Have you been in therapy? You need to be. You need a therapist.

If you're not in therapy, can you get into therapy? Cause you really need someone to talk to, and possibly be put on medications too. The fact that you're talking about suicide indicates that you're seriously depressed and I think meds would help.

Talk to your medical doctor -- he can refer you to a good therapist because he knows who is good and who isn't. It's really important that you talk with your doctor about this. Do it soon, okay?

I know how badly you feel because I've been right where you are right now. That deep, dark hole -- it feels like you can't get out of it. You struggle and struggle, but you can't get out. You sometimes see some light and it gives you hope, but you can't get to the light. That's where the doctor comes in. That's why it's SO IMPORTANT to talk to the doctor. HE CAN HELP YOU.

Talk to him, okay? Like I said, I've been where you are, and i feel GOOD now. Take care my friend. God bless. Hugs, Lee