That's so annoying. My post didn't post and I didn't copy it first so this will be a lot more brief sorry. Thanks for the support first of all everyone I could really feel it.

I think winter4me is onto the main problem which is being attached to negative things. I'm addicted to the feeling of feeling like **** I think because when I feel normal, it doesn't feel right, and I do everything I can to get out of that mind set and either try and be really excited or back to being depressed. Normal is uncomfortable.

I do have a therapist but I have not gone back since my initial intake. I've cancelled on two appointments but I called today in the hopes I can give it one more shot. I don't care at all now, and that's the problem. I always have these fleeting "I need to change my life" but then after putting in the initial effort I can never see it through and I inevitably end up back here for yet another year. The psychiatrist at the same place (U of A Hospital) prescribed 300 mg of Wellbutrin and Celexa but when I remembered what Celexa does to me I stopped using it. I need to go back and ask for something different.

I've never tried to kill myself. I hold a controversial view on attempting suicide so I'm just going to keep that to myself to avoid conflict. I always have a plan. Doesn't everyone?

Thank you all for the support. I feel like I'm out of the woods so to speak for now. Feeling "Alright" and that's good enough for me. Don't mind being depressed, just hate being suicidal if I'm not going to do it because all it does is worry others and I hate burdoning people with that fear and yet I can't seem to not tell someone you know?