Therapists can be lame or even totally worthless. Took much too long to finally find someone that "clicked"... and having become very cynical, sure wasn't expecting it. But it happens. Looking back all I can say is I would "act as if" I was worth going to the effort of staying alive. Sort of an auto-pilot mode. Got me through some wicked never ending lows. You have to want this, at some core level. It's in there, maybe buried beneath the crud but it's there. Leed is spot on, and I'll add, go talk to someone else. And talk to us, as you well know there are many who have been there, done that.