Thank you so much everyone for the kind replies. I'm feeling much better lately. Sometimes all we need is one thing to suddenly start seeing things brighter. Be it one conversation that finally just clicks, or a small opportunity to be better than you are. And I've had both lately. Also, I tend to get lost in my own feelings, my own issues, my own struggles that I don't see what is happening with someone I care for, right in front of my eyes. Several things in my mind have just clicked recently and I'm feeling hopeful and determined to fight for myself and my relationships. No one can help you until you are ready to help yourself. No I may not have money right now or insurance, but I can still do things to fight this myself and I intend to do my best at them. Hope everyone is doing well. Sending all my gratitude and best wishes to you.