Hardly a rant. A clear expression of how you feel right now. Is there something you can do for just an hour or so to feel better just for a bit? (?soak in a scented bath with the room candlelit?draw?turn up beat music on and dance?whatever little thing you know makes you forget for a bit) Sounds like a time for getting by a bit at a time for a while, you are dealing with a lot----& hey, you've got us here, it's not the same as what we may desire but it is a place to be with some folks who have an understanding------------------nothing wrong with tears. Hugs and may your day improve (don't know about you but sometimes mornings are the Worst for me)