smmath, I can definitely connect with all that you have said.

I have realized that, for myself (not saying this is true for you), that si is not going to get me any more help than I already have. So I've made si work for ME and not for "proving" my pain to others. I will admit I would love someone to see me, all of me, and whisk me off to a safe and loving place where I could be psychologically repaired. Boy would I love that. But for now I've found that the si is for myself only. Sort of a way to say to myself, "that's more like it." And it's not severe si at all.