The fact that everything is out of control, to be honest.
Before my Nan died (4 months ago) I had everything nicely sorted. I fed her, looked after her. I worked hard at uni. I was really strict with everything with myself. I had new clothes, I had money, I had a life.
Since my Nan died everythings just spiralled. I have no money where Ive just been completely out of control as I have had a few 'manic' episodes. I used to eat really regimented and am really **** about my weight. Ive put on nearly a stone since she died and I feel disgusting. Ive been wearing one of my grandads tops for the past 4 days cause I havent been home to get changed.

Its disgusting I want to be back to the old me and be in control. But at the same time maybe I need to lose a bit of control to get over the issues in my past.

Thanks TR, I do try and distract myself. But its just like any minute I get, whether it be waiting on the bus or sitting in the bath I just start picking at my arm. I CANT leave it alone. But I know I need to stop. I cant sucumb to this. If my Nan could see me she'd be so disappointed.