No I havent. I held my Nan till she died. And I cried. Then I left her there. I started the grieving process 'normally' I believe with my Auntie here. But my Auntie lives in australia and she had to go back. Then I just stopped. I had to carry on with work and everything so I gave myself no time to grieve.
Everythings just got worse and worse. Ive now been signed off of work for depression and anxiety. Since Ive had more time off Ive started to grieve again. I went to my Nans old care home and cried 2 days ago. Today I remembered more of the night she died in therapy (Id blocked it out completely) and I got really emotional. It felt good. Now, I feel like I'm back where I was in the weeks after her death. Everything reminds me off her like it did just after she died. It hurts but I needed to go here.

I just wish I had done this before Id started self harming again. Cause now I feel guilty for doing it cause shed be disappointed and I tihnk its becoming a bit of a cycle.