I made an appointment for the neurologist for Thursday, only problem with that is that I can't drive and my fiance works on Thursdays. I don't have many family members here so I don't know how I will get there, no bus or anything. We have cabs but that's gonna be pretty costly and I'm down to working two days a week, just so I can pay for my insurance. I'll find a way thought. I also have an appointment on the second with a new primary care doctor and to have a pap smear done. Haven't had one of those in a few years, like 3 years I think, maybe 4.

I'm nervous about this whole ordeal. I don't want to be told I have seizures or be diagnosed with epilepsy. I don't want to be on medication that could make them worse.

I just want it to go away and go back to thinking I don't have them. I never would have thought I'd have any seizures, I've seen someone have seizures and my heart broke for them, I cried for them, I never thought I'd be on the other end of it.

My fingers are still crossed that the seizures I had were freak incidences or maybe they were stress induced seizures which are not as dangerous and can be healed with therapy. A pdoc I saw years ago said he thought I'd gotten seizures from an accident when I was a child. I hit my head but no one ever took me to the doctor. I started getting migraines after that. I didn't see the doc because my injury was minimal since my brother had his eye lid split open in the accident.

My blackouts started that same year as I recall. So the pdoc believed it was the accident, however the trauma from my childhood peaked that year as well so some believe it's a DD.

I just want to be normal, I know those with epilepsy are normal and can lead normal or close to normal lives, but with my generalized anxiety disorder, it seems impossible to ever feel normal again if I continue to have seizures.