sorry you are having a rough time.

this sounds like me:

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I don't want attention on me, don't want people to feel pity on me, don't want people to feel I bother them, don't want to take the space that maybe someone else needs, don't want people to stop in their track just to help me out.

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though, for me, it might not be the actual attention that I don't want-- I think I don't feel that I'm worthy-- so it then makes me feel guilty for getting something I shouldn't have..... I think--

Time0 you don't have to keep silent--- some here understand that lonely deep quiet cry-- I think it's less painful when shared.
I'm here to listen if you want.

mandy