Thanks all for the responses.

I have a hard time talking about BP with people other than my therapist and doctors. I didn't tell my parents until 2 years after I was diagnosed. Even talking to my wife is uncomfortable for me. But I guess I have no choice. Sometimes I feel like she doesn't understand how hard it can be to take care of my son. But I'd I don't talk to her about it then I'm partially to blame.

The seroquel and writing is a paradox. Last year I was on 200mg and was a very productive writer. I felt good. The fatigue was bad, but I was still able to write. This time is different for some reason. I think being horribly depressed is a factor in my writing troubles because it saps my motivation.

I see my pdoc on Monday and I'm going to see what other options I have. Maybe I need to give lithium another shot and get up to a therapeutic dose. He took me off it before increasing my dosage because of my cutting.

I don't even know what normal feels like anymore. Between all the meds, ups and downs, and pressures of every day life, I feel like a big bowl of crazy who is slowly going insane.