oh i can relate to SO MUCH of this.

my entire life, it was perfection or nothing. straight A's from kindergarten onward, bawled every time i got a B. and then i got into high school and later college, and i realized perfection is impossible, and the stress of trying to deal with that realization and trying to still be the perfection my parents wanted, literally made my hair turn gray at my temples.

i ended up dropping out of college and trying to make a life for myself outside family and relationships where perfection is everything. i was so much happier. i was working almost every day, but i was enjoying myself and i was succeeding at what i wanted to do, not what everyone else wanted me to do.