Well, can't say that my transferrence was positive with my first T. My T told me thanks for telling him about the transferrence (I was very timid, small, mouse like), then in the same breath he said if it couldn't be managed he would find alternative T for me. In a lot of my time with him I felt he wasn't confident to handle my issues even though he said I could talk about anything I wanted/needed.then when I'd start he'd say I couldn't talk about it for one reason or another. Said he was afraid of me. So I learned right quick not to say more about it for fear of loss and dealt with my feelings on my own as I was too insecure to have him in control of where I'd go next. Terrified actually. Wish I would have moved on much sooner.

Now the T who was very helpful to me, there was some transferrence but more of a daughter to father kind of relationship. He was good with that and treated me as a daughter wants to be treated. Big age difference helped too. Then he became very sick and passed away almost 1 1/2 years ago. It is still hard to believe he's not there. Sometimes I'm thinking about something and I'll go "I should talk to J about this"...and then I remember that he's gone. I still grieve but in a healthy way I think. I think about the ways in which he helped me. Towards the end he couldn't be there, understandably, but he believed in learning from the life we live at the moment, not necessarily by sitting in a therapists office so during his illness he allowed me to continue connecting with him and I hope I was supportive to him because he believed in normal relationships, not clinical relationships so much. It gave me opportunity to learn how to be part of his passing and my loss. He understood and helped me accept this before he left. it was the kind of relationship he established even before we started working on the hard stuff - said we would be friends while working on stuff and then we would continue to be friends. I think about the love he had for life and how he lived big with as much energy as he could even though he couldn't get around much any more. He was just a great blessing in my life. I am so fortunate to have had him in my life. Hope he reads this too. While I didn't finish the work I started on with J, I found it was ok to let it be ok because of the whole experience. It feels whole.