Hi all, a number of issues with how I deal with pressing social problems have been brought to my attention (flaky though that attention is). I am wondering whether anyone here has also experienced these, or witnessed them, and if so, what may have helped.

When someone critizes me, calls me on an error or describes a problematic interaction with me, even if I asked them to, I do the following:

-Turn myself into the victim, by falling silent and looking really sad.
-Fail to make the distinction between *having* a problem and *being* a problem.
-Talk about my feelings about the issue, hypotheses for its origin within myself, and its history, rather than solutions.
-Go back and forth between freezing and panicking quietly, and throwing out all the ideas that come to mind without considering their appropriateness to the situation.
-Lack a verbal filter
-Mis-remember (or forget) interactions or phrasings in a very revisionist way that caters to my side of things. This also means I can't trust my judgment in interactions, which should make me humble and ask others what happened instead of trusting myself, but instead I get defensive and say, "But that's not what happened." Then when they prove that I'm mis-remembering, I get super sad and make all kinds of concessions that are martyrish (making a point of making concessions).
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I know these do not comprise acting like an adult. This is petulant child behavior. All these are super hard for me to see while I'm doing them, due to that last one and a general feeling of bewilderment and helplessness ... which in itself is a defense mechanism (if I look confused and sad maybe they'll leave me alone). I guess what I'm looking for are ways to catch myself in this and stop it in its tracks, so the people I love don't have to.

Yours,
Ellen