I don't know if i'm manic or if I just have a hormonal imbalance or what, but once in a while I think of the easiest and least painful way to kill myself. I can't sleep, I certainly can't eat, I don't feel right inside of my body, I feel like I have no control over what I'm doing or what I'm thinking. My communication skills are non-existent at this point. I could hardly make sense of what I'm saying and it's embarrassing to try and talk to people.
Since the beginning of last November I started to feel more depressed than usual. I've dealt with depression since I was 12 (I'm 26 now), and I never really experienced seasonal depression, but for four months now I've been feeling very mentally and physically exhausted.
I'm a very distrustful and paranoid person, and it's always been very hard for me to open up to people. I have one close friend and the rest are close acquaintances that I force myself to meet up with once in a while so I appear "normal."
Anyway, I wanted to make this brief because who really wants to read about my entire biography.
All I really want out of this is to know that I'm not the only one suffering. I just don't want to feel alone in this hell I'm traveling back and forth from all the time. My close friend also suffers from this illness, and I care for him, but I think I'd like to hear about how others deal with this sort of thing.