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You went, and talked about what you couldn't really speak about, and then it felt bad, and you left, and you let your therapist know it felt bad, and she responded, and then you responded to her. This is sounding like progress, although I understand the details in between are very very painful.
I wonder if it's hard to trust that T will really help and support you even when emotionally naked, but there are indications she will so it's really tempting to trust her, and hard to trust her too. Is it like that. Maybe I've got it all mixed up.
Sometimes the best disinfectant is sunshine. I wonder if in the end having put what happened to you in the sunlight, with at least one person, and not hidden it inside, will help in the end. I hope so, but I don't know if that always works.
I remember when I had a secret (about my T dumping me and claiming she was being oh-so-professional, and to top it off I knew she was handling it wrong but didn't care because I was so attached) that I couldn't tell others that it felt like it just poisoned me. Talking about it here periodically has really helped me, even though most or no one (I have no idea who reads this and will recognize parts of my story) even knows who I am.
I do hope it brings you relief in the end, although I recognize how hard it is to be feeling complete exposed, and not liking the exposed picture, and everything is on hold until the next session.
I wish you the wind at your back, at least until your next session with T
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