I honestly didn't realise how much I needed her. How much I had come to depend on our Thursday evening sessions. I miss her so much. Partly transference I think, but partly because she's the only T that ever got through to me, the only one I really connected with. Now i've lost her.

Because I decided to move 250 miles across the country to be closer to the mother who helped to screw me up in the first place. I hate my mother so much. Why do I love her? Why do I love her enough to give up my life in the city, my friends, my apartment and most of all my incredible T to come live out in the country with no one. No friends at all not one, no support, hell even my apartment is a piece of crap compared to my last one.

I miss my T so much, I need her. I need her to listen to me again, to hold me again; emotionally and physically. I can't cope with this. I should never have moved. Now I haven't got a clue how to even start looking for a new T out here in the middle of nowhere. I feel so alone. I know I need a T, there are so many things I have to say, but yet I dont have one. I dont have a T. I need one. I need help.

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense I just needed to vent :'(