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Originally Posted by Readytostop
Button30.... you were very brave...and courageous.... even though it feels bad now... its the beginning of healing... you no longer carry this alone and that will eventually lead to feeling better...
the unfortunate part is that the telling seems to make you feel worse... my T described it as surgery... technically after you have surgery you are healthier than before surgery but you might feel worse for a time...
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Thats a great analogy from your t and it exactly how it is
I hope the feelings will pass soon. I just hope that t follows through with her caring and comes through for me.
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Originally Posted by iota
You made a real breakthrough and though it may feel yucky right now, it will end up feeling better. You made a real human connection with your therapist. Why give up on that? We all want to be understood and appreciated for who we are, even when we feel yucky. She was able to do this. What a remarkable and precious thing. Savor it and continue.
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Thank you Iota, it felt really nice to be able to tell t what happened and to have her tell me it was ok and I didn't make it happen, I didn't deserve it. it felt so good for her to tell me that and for her to just sit and listen.
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Originally Posted by Syra
You went, and talked about what you couldn't really speak about, and then it felt bad, and you left, and you let your therapist know it felt bad, and she responded, and then you responded to her. This is sounding like progress, although I understand the details in between are very very painful.
I wonder if it's hard to trust that T will really help and support you even when emotionally naked, but there are indications she will so it's really tempting to trust her, and hard to trust her too. Is it like that. Maybe I've got it all mixed up.
Sometimes the best disinfectant is sunshine. I wonder if in the end having put what happened to you in the sunlight, with at least one person, and not hidden it inside, will help in the end. I hope so, but I don't know if that always works.
I remember when I had a secret (about my T dumping me and claiming she was being oh-so-professional, and to top it off I knew she was handling it wrong but didn't care because I was so attached) that I couldn't tell others that it felt like it just poisoned me. Talking about it here periodically has really helped me, even though most or no one (I have no idea who reads this and will recognize parts of my story) even knows who I am.
I do hope it brings you relief in the end, although I recognize how hard it is to be feeling complete exposed, and not liking the exposed picture, and everything is on hold until the next session.
I wish you the wind at your back, at least until your next session with T
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Syra, what a beautiful way to describe, letting the sunlight in
I will treasure that. I am so sorry about your therapist. I hate the way they can have so much power over us and hurt us instead of heal. Remember to keep talking about it.
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Originally Posted by ECHOES
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I don't trust anyone, not after everything thats happened and after my last t said she wasn't going anywhere and she did but I think I am trying to push this t away before she hurts me but I honestly don't want to push her away and I don't think she will ever terminate me but I know it can't last forever and that hurts.
She reaches out to me all the time but I don't let her in and she usaully hugs me but she didn't this time and that hurt too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by WePow
Wow! You did great work to let another human help you carry that pain.
It is very natural to nor want to face that person again who knows our pain and what we know about that pain. You are doing great to just let yourself process through this step. Be kind to yourself over the next few days.
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Thank you for understanding how hard it is to open up and let someone else see your pain. I hide everything inside and tell no one so opening up to t was soooo big for me.