Quote:
Originally Posted by Meisjes
Now the T who was very helpful to me, there was some transferrence but more of a daughter to father kind of relationship. He was good with that and treated me as a daughter wants to be treated. Big age difference helped too. Then he became very sick and passed away almost 1 1/2 years ago. It is still hard to believe he's not there. Sometimes I'm thinking about something and I'll go "I should talk to J about this"...and then I remember that he's gone. I still grieve but in a healthy way I think. I think about the ways in which he helped me. Towards the end he couldn't be there, understandably, but he believed in learning from the life we live at the moment, not necessarily by sitting in a therapists office so during his illness he allowed me to continue connecting with him and I hope I was supportive to him because he believed in normal relationships, not clinical relationships so much. It gave me opportunity to learn how to be part of his passing and my loss. He understood and helped me accept this before he left. it was the kind of relationship he established even before we started working on the hard stuff - said we would be friends while working on stuff and then we would continue to be friends. I think about the love he had for life and how he lived big with as much energy as he could even though he couldn't get around much any more. He was just a great blessing in my life. I am so fortunate to have had him in my life. Hope he reads this too.  While I didn't finish the work I started on with J, I found it was ok to let it be ok because of the whole experience. It feels whole. |
Thank you for this. My experience has been much the same as yours, and sometimes I feel as if no one else shares this kind of relationship.
My T retired due to poor health during my therapy with him, though after many years. He's still a part of my life years later, the relationship still rather Father/daughter, though without the therapy. Although his health is pretty good, he is aging, and I will probably experience his passing. The grieving will be horribly painful, but that is fitting. Having him still in my life is a precious benefit, and I'm still learning from him just by witnessing how he handles the challenges and joys life brings. I suspect he will be as open and direct about the end of his life, to whatever degree his health allows, as he has been about everything else in life. I, too, feel blessed by our relationship.