I grew up with the most judgmental, pretentious, jealous people ... no matter what I did, it wasnt good enough. I constantly felt depressed, angry and like a failure. I never was praised simply for who I was. In my heart and soul. And that is just the core members of my family and extended family.

I carried that feeling of worthlessness into my adulthood and it affected me greatly in a very hurtful, negative way.

I also became extremely adept at reading people...their expressions and body language because generally as an adult, people wont say to your face what they are thinking. (They will say it as soon as you turn your back or are gone).

It took me a very long time.,over 40 years to replace those ingrained "tapes" of beating myself up and hating myself with positive messages to myself.

In order to feel free...to accept myself just as I am. Regardless of what other people think.

MOREOVER I have distanced myself completely from the worst offenders and actually feel.sorry for them because they didnt learn to behave that way on their own.

I will never understand the concept of putting others down to feel better. Or kicking someone when they are down. Or feeling glee or joy at others failires. It is not in my wheelhouse. Never has been.

The best thing for me with people like this is to stay away from them, distance myself or simply limit interaction. Whether it be within "family", socially or at work. I just dont know how to play THAT game.

I would rather be alone than around a bunch of jerks. And the jerks I do have to be around, ugh. I limot my time with them. They have to live with themselves and look in the mirror. I just try as hard as I can to continue to be myself - the authentic me - mistakes, imperfections, human-ness. They can go pick on someone else. When I dont give them fuel, they move on.

And if someone calls me.out on something ro my face... "I dont feel very well. Sorry." works wonders. It really throws people off because it immediately turns things around on them. Owning your own feelings and accepting them. Not hiding or trying to fake it. It is awesome because it forces them to stop and pay attention to themselves. Turns the focus. Esp with rude people, bullies and nasty looks.

You are beautiful and wonderful and have much to offer... just as you are

(I hope this helps a teeny bit)