I don't care why you have not let him go, the important thing is that you let go of him NOW. If you think you can't make it, ask for help. Find a counselor, psyc or anybody who can support you thru the process but please act NOW. Once you are far from the guy and your self-esteem had built up again you may turn back and see why you stayed with him. Right now you need to save yourself. Because you are in danger.