Update
I am still on LTD, amazing and disturbing. I finally filed for SSDI through a law firm, hadn't been able to get myself to send off the application.
I am working at a hospital stockroom, far cry from previous jobs prior to crisis health stuff.
Today I am trying to psych myself up for another day on the job. I may take a walk, try to get out of my current mind set.
I stress out even prior to going the two days a week I work. Yesterday I was irritable, kept taking comments from the Lead personally and *****ing to myself. At the end of the day, I had another "melt down" as I call it, crying at work. I had just spoken with tone and urgency that reflected my mood .......and was told not to take things out on my coworkers. I guess he was calling himself a coworker ............I had messed up again, and taking it hard again. It is a vicious circle ...I do not have the self control and up-beat mood that I need .....anyway, I am also tired of the medication/diagnosis treatment cycle. I want a cure, not this.