My T started to refuse my termination gift (I think after she had an indication how much it cost) but then realized there was no point in refusing, it would not help me; we were at the end of therapy and would not see one another again. My gift was one-of-a-kind, very personal; I don't think I would have had the same problems if it had been a book or scarf (another consideration) or something less personal than it was and she had refused it; I would have been disappointed but not hurt.

I would have been hurt if she had continued to not take the giftthough I gave her , but I think, if I were honest, the reasons I would have been hurt would not have had as much to do with appreciation as with having picked out a certain present that I hoped would connect us after the termination. It had meaning to me so I could think of it and think of my T looking at it and keep the connection between us (something I had not been able to do when we had first terminated nearly 20 years earlier). I may have explained that to her, which also might have gone into why she took it (what she did with it I don't know; she was in the throes of downsizing and moving house, retiring, too).

I gave her the gift the week before our final session; I didn't want a maudlin session of goodbyes wanted it to be as normal as possible.

My husband taught me about taking gifts, whether I wanted them or not (from my stepmother, always pushing food on me when I left my parents home) and then to do what I wanted with them afterwards, when they were "mine". At work too, my boss taught me to "take the money" when a client had their own stupid ideas of what to do; do it their way, make them happy, take the money.