I think you are going overboard with the BPD stuff you have read about and applying it to this person. This person used and hurt you, that's all you need to focus on. Trying to make yourself feel better because "people with BPD do X" takes the focus off you and her relationship and onto some mythical construct about "people with BPD". Everyone is an individual; there are loads of beautiful, intelligent, women who sink their claws into a man but do not have BPD and/or were not married to you!

Your marriage did not work because you feel your ex-wife did/does not love/care about you and did not take any responsibility for herself in the marriage. Maybe later you or she might want to be friends but I would not marry or have an intimate relationship with her again.