Wow, I am so sorry that you are in an ugly place right now. But it's not good for you to hold that anger in. Have you tried working out? Why do you hold it in when your roommate is a slob? I suggest you calmly bring up the issues that are bothering you. Trust me its way better to let your feelings out instead of stewing over them. And stop putting yourself down. Trust me there are plenty of people out there that would do that for you. Would you walk up to a complete stranger and call them lazy and worthless. No, I don't think you would. So why would you treat yourself that way when you gotta live with yourself 24/7 for the rest of your life. You need to be a friend to yourself, respect yourself, be kind to yourself and most of all love yourself. I understand your depressed right now so everything looks gray. Try writing in a journal one thing that your grateful for each day. For example your grateful for your eyesight and so on. I know what Im saying sounds easier said then done. But if my crazy !#+ can do it so can you. Oh and it truly sucks that you have no way of getting the meds you need. I really hope you feel better